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Sunday, June 3, 2012

Life after Taylor Leaves...

So, Taylor left and it really left me dealing with a ton of emotions. I was very hurt and angry. I think I am still a little bit of both, but I am definitely feeling better. I was looking at myself as a mother and wondering where I failed. I was looking for someone to blame and really focused in on her friend and her boyfriend for that. And I turned to prayer and God to help me figure everything out or to find my way through this. It is hard to look back at the last 18 years and see how you've put your heart and soul into your kids and then how easy it is for them to leave when things do not go their way. I know I have made mistakes along the way, but over all I feel I've been a pretty good mother. I still stand by decision of a midnight curfew and the two weeks of grounding for the third offense of not following that rule. I would do it again.

The day after Taylor left the house my youngest daughter, Bailey, came to me and asked me why I kicked Taylor out of the house. I was really surprised at that question and realized that through all of that drama the night before I had no idea what my other two kids thought. I explained to her that I didn't kick her out, but that she decided to go on her own. Then I talked to Michael about the situation and found out that he had known about everything. Taylor had pulled him into it by talking to him and telling him all about her plans while she was plotting and putting them in motion that day.

It has now been well over a month since she left and we have all adjusted to life without Taylor in the house. Bailey cleaned up the bedroom that she shared with Taylor and moved to the bigger bed. We are working on her cleaning up after herself a bit more and she is doing really well. I feel like her and I have grown a bit closer since Taylor left. She goes out with me shopping and she talks to me more about things. We have an Archiver's across the street; Bailey and I went in there yesterday to see if there was anything to help me with my organization. One of the ladies in there handed us a class sheet and told us that the age for doing the classes was dropped to 10. Bailey's eyes grew wide and I asked her if she would be interested in doing one of the classes together. She seemed excited and said yes. So we will choose one of the classes this month and go there together. Michael is trying to step it up a bit as the oldest kid in the house now; he is responsible for them both while I'm at work. He is doing a really good job. He took everything in stride. He is still Michael... frustrating and annoying at times, adorably sweet other times. He is a different kind of kid and he always has me wondering. Me, well I'm doing okay. It has been really hard emotionally. I still spend a lot of time thinking about what happened, reflecting on how I raised her and hoping and praying that she will be safe out there on her own. She has a lot of growing up to do if she is going to be out there on her own; I just pray that she makes good decisions along the way. I've decided to really get back into Scrapbooking and Photography, which I have always loved. I've ordered a new camera, which should be here on Monday. I'm hoping to take some photography classes to improve. I'm bringing my Scrapbook supplies out of the garage and trying to get organized in here. I'm also trying to weed out some of the supplies since I am a hoarder... errrrr collector! That sounds so much better! I have a lot to do to get cleaned up. I am trying to figure out why it is that the house gets so much more cluttered and dirty while you are trying to organize and clean. Wow! It looks pretty bad right now, but I'll continue to work on it and I know it will be better in the end.

So, in the aftermath of that difficult night we are all moving forward and adjusting to life after Taylor leaving.

The kids took pictures of me shaving Kevin's head and trimming up his goatee. I love being able to do the little things for him.The papers are old Club Scrap papers.. just trying to use all my old stuff. I love most of their papers. They are amazing quality papers and always very unique.



3 comments:

Ursula Schneider said...

We've been through a similar type of thing with our oldest. In her case, she went around saying we kicked her out which was totally untrue, now, 2 years later, we are great friends again. She says she realizes what a twit she was being. I think it's just how it goes with some of our silly children. Hang in there mama. You did the best you could and she has to make her own choices for better or worse.

terri foltz said...

(((hugs)))

Susan Martin said...

I hope she will come around and realize she was a twit too! LOL