Wednesday, August 29, 2012

What the Heck Just Happened?

Today was a pretty good day. I got off to work early and got some things done today. I had to leave early to take Michael back to the orthodontist to pick up his retainers. He has to wear his retainers all the time for the next three months. Then after that, he will only have to wear them at night hopefully. Bailey and I were joking around with him for a little bit since it is hard for him to talk. It was cute though and he was being a good sport with the picking. That is unusual for him.

I took the kids to the Back To School Bash that the church was having. I don't think either of them wanted to go, but we went any way. I am trying to get them more involved in church and trying to get them to meet some new people. We went in and within 10 minutes Bailey found someone that she knew and she was off. Michael never left my side. The middle school pastor came up to talk to him and he wouldn't smile or talk or anything. He stayed on his phone for a lot of the time.. I finally made him put it up. All he was doing was pacing back and forth in front of me on his phone and it was driving me crazy. We stayed for about an hour and a half. Bailey had a really fun time and wasn't ready to leave. I told her would definitely do more of this, but I needed to get home and get some sleep for work in the morning. Michael was just glad to get out of there I think. This is my strange boy... it is 90 degrees outside and he is wearing a jacket!! So he has pockets for his phone he says. I just don't know what else to do to try to break him out of that shell of his and get him to be more open for people.

Well.. on the way home I knew I needed to call my mother. I had not spoken to her since Saturday...

 A little history on us... we were pretty close for a lot of my life. Then I got married to David and my mother never really liked him. She was very apparent about it even though she doesn't think she was. She would roll her eyes, make comments about it, etc. It was a really hard thing for me to deal with for the 13 years I was married to the man and it really put a strain on my mother and my relationship. Not only that, but she would yell at my kids or discipline them for things that I didn't feel were wrong. I don't know.. it was an odd time and it really put a strain on our relationship. We were really strained for quite a few years. We weren't doing things together like we had. We weren't visiting like we always did. Nothing was the same. Towards the end of my marriage or maybe even once it was over, I can't remember, I wrote her a letter that was several pages and just put everything that I was feeling out there. We talked about it and over time we got better. I don't think we ever got back to the way we were, but we were definitely better. She is a bit needy. She needs you to call her all the time and she would really like it if we came over more often. A couple of things about that... She doesn't call you... she expects you to call her. And my mother is a smoker and I really don't like being in her house and I don't like my kids being in her house and with smoke in our faces. Now...

I was on the way home from church and I called my mother. We were having a nice conversation... how are you feeling? Did my sister go over there for her on Sunday? She had a broken wrist from her trip to France and she had an appointment on Monday. I failed to call her on Monday to find out how everything went, even though on Saturday I asked her to call me after her appointment. That is where everything turned on me. I was broadsided and I had no idea what the heck just happened!!!??? She started saying how disappointed she was in my sister and I because neither one of called her on Monday to find out how her appointment went. She was disappointed that I didn't go over there more. I was selfish.. It didn't matter how tired she was... she would have been here for me in a heart beat. And it went on and on.. by the time I got home I was in tears ... and the kids were probably wondering what the heck just happened too!

I don't normally stand my ground with my mother or stand up for myself, but I tried. I was there for her.. not every night like she probably wanted, but when she called and needed us we were there. She wanted me to come over all the time I guess. I tried to explain that it wasn't about me being tired.. it was about me having responsibilities. I am a single mother .. Kevin is in Australia for the time being and its just me. It's me to get them up in the morning. They don't get home until 5 pm each night.. 4:50 pm they are walking in the door from the bus. I get them dinner... they work on homework and make sure that gets done... showers, packing backpacks.. and its time for bed. She says .. yes.. its all about me. I said.. No .. it isn't all about me, but it is all about my kids!

Ughhh ... she made me feel terrible. She makes me question myself. I've tried so hard to have her be a part of things. I invited her to drive up to Dahlonega with me on Saturday to see Taylor. I've asked her to go to church with me every week. Once her wrist was broken that was her excuse not to go to church, so she hasn't been going with us since. I've really tried... And now.. I have to really try not to let it affect our relationship. I have to pray hard about it.. because it makes me want to back way off. I know I can't do that. I also know that she was drinking tonight.. I could tell by her slurring words. Such a shocker to end my night. And then... I tried to call my sister, but she didn't pick up. So, after I told my mother that I had to go, she called my sister to light into her. LOL Wow.. What a night.

Thanks for listening.. I'm off to bed now. Kevin is at the movies.. enjoying The Expendables 2 I believe. I hope he is enjoying the movie.

Here is my sister, my mother and I .. years ago, 2004, at Fogo De Chao.. a really awesome restaurant. Man.. I was young LOL Here is to a better day tomorrow. I hope you all have a wonderful evening.


Karon said...

Susan - wow what a day that was! Can I just say that my mother in law used to be the very same. When we still lived in the UK - it was always us that rang - if we missed ringing them and then rang - we were ranted at that we didn't care. At one point we drew the line to see how long it would be before they rang us. In the end after 3 months(yep 3 months) of no contact - my husband rang them and wow what a kicking he got. They have a phone, they have a car - yet it was always us that had to make the effort. We emigrated to Canada and left on bad terms. Andy's Dad passed and now hes speaks to his Mum more than ever - every week!. Just to say that I understand how difficult these situations are and sometimes we need to take a little step back - after all we have commitments to our own families. I am sending you lots of Hugs. Karon (sorry for the long comment:-))

Unknown said...

Sorry your relationship is so strained. Keep praying and you will find help. (((Hugs)))

Made by Mandy said...

I am sorry you have a hard time with your Mom, families really can cause you some of the biggest heartache. I truth mine only ended due to the death of my Mother. Unfortunately when parents try to live their lives through their children it can cause so many problems. I learnt something a long time ago and it was a hard, but valuable truth. If there is something or someone causing negative emotions in your life you have to extricate yourself to preserve your own sanity. For me it was the path the freedom but it wasn't easy to do. I felt a lot of guilt but just because someone is your parent it doesn't give them the right to control your life and have so much hold over you.

I do hope you can resolve things, one way or the other. Your time is so tied up with YOUR children, quite rightly they are your priority and you don't need other people being selfish and trying to hand a guilt trip on you.

Love Mandy xxx (your OSAAT DT Sister)